If you have finally found the one, you may have started to wonder this. Perhaps you and your partner have been together for some time, and the little moments you’ve shared may no longer be sufficient.
You two probably have begun to wonder how long of a relationship is typical before deciding to move in together, despite the fact that you talk on the phone frequently, use FaceTime frequently, and hang out nearly every night after a long day.
Time is never enough when it concerns the people we care about. At times, you could feel the want to ensnare each other in your own made-up universe, clutching onto each other tightly and never letting go. But you shouldn’t make the choice to live together impulsively.
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Before your spouse moves in with you, it’s a good idea to take a deep breath, collect your thoughts, and look at the situation rationally, since it could drastically change your life.
Find out how long you should wait before moving in together, weigh the benefits and drawbacks of cohabitating before getting married, and implement some practical measures to be ready for sharing your personal space with another person in the future in this article.
When would you be able to move in together?
Before we continue, let’s settle this one issue.
Cohabitation between unmarried couples is socially acceptable, according to a recent survey (69% of Americans). The percentage of individuals who live with an unmarried partner has increased from 3% to more than 10% in the last several years.
The opposite is also true: less individuals are frowning upon cohabitation. Therefore, it is mostly up to the individual to determine when to move in with a significant other, as the external influences that would have prolonged that period are being gradually removed.
Let me tell you something else intriguing. Seventy percent of weddings among women under the age of 36 that took place between 2011 and 2015 started with at least three years of cohabitation, according to a 2017 survey.
What does this data indicate?
Wanting to live together before you’re married is totally acceptable. Since there is no silver bullet for when a couple should move in together, the timing of the choice is totally up to you.
Because no two couples are exactly same, there are a number of things you should think about on your own before making such a major life decision. But when the time is right, go all out.
Either within the first three months of your relationship or after you’ve celebrated your third anniversary (or your wedding), you have the option to move in together. You get to decide in the end.
It’s time to move in together—here are 10 telltale indicators
Just knowing the recommended waiting period before moving in together won’t cut it. The most critical thing is to learn to recognise when it’s time to move in together as a couple.
Could these be indicators of trouble in your relationship? Then you might want to consider making a drastic change.
1. You have already covered the financial part.
Your perspective on money may need to shift (both individually and as a pair) if you decide to move in together. Who is responsible for making the mortgage payment? Does it matter how much you make? If so, will it be divided equally or in half? Every other bill ends up where?
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Before you decide to live together, you should be aware of these.
2. The peculiarities of your relationship are now clear to you.
Get to know your partner’s eccentricities before you ask if you should live together. Does their morning routine always begin at a reasonable hour? Is a large cup of coffee their favourite way to start the day?
Is it met with resistance when you reposition their beloved slippers from the foot of your bed to a different room? If you’re in a relationship with someone of the same sex, do they approve of you wearing their favourite shirt to work?
Get to know your partner’s thought process before you move in together; otherwise, you can find yourself in a bind.
3. Are you an expert communicator?
When you move in with someone, arguments are inevitable. Both major and minor factors could contribute to them. But what really counts is that your definitions of “effective communication” are identical.
Would they rather have some alone time while they’re furious? If so, it can be worse for your relationship if you force them to confide in you while they’re angry.
4. Your business partner’s routines
Think about your partner’s work habits (particularly if they work from home) while you’re figuring out how long you should date before moving in together.
When they need to focus, do they do better when given space to themselves? Is it more likely that they would prefer to jam out in the flat to unleash their creativity? Is this the kind of person who would stay all day in an office at home and only emerge after the sun goes down?
According to Psychologist Mert Şeker:
There are a number of ways in which a couple’s work habits could change when they choose to live together. Achieving work-life balance, fostering cooperation to support one another, decreasing stress at home, and boosting motivation are all possible positive results.
On the other hand, there are also possible drawbacks, such as interruptions in the home environment, distractions, and a fuzziness of the line between home and work.
Prior to making the major change, consider these points.
5. You’ve connected with your partner’s important people.
Another way to know when you should move in together is to check if you have met the people that matter to your partner. You should probably hold off until you’ve won over your loved ones before moving further, because their opinions matter greatly in your relationships.
6. Presently, you two spend a lot of time together.
If you’re not quite ready to move in together, the quantity of time you spend together can be an indication. How frequently do you dine together? Has your partner’s residence somehow become a sanctuary for your beloved clothing and possessions?
According to research by psychologist Mert Şeker:
Among the benefits is the fact that quality time spent together can enhance the relationship’s emotional connection and depth. The bond can be strengthened through shared experiences and joint pursuits. However, the negative effects of this situation should not be ignored.
Excessive togetherness can lead to reduced individual space and limitation of freedom. Conflicts in relationships can arise from a lack of individual autonomy.
Those could be signs that you’re ready for the big move.
7. You’ve talked about chores
No matter how much we hate to admit it, the chores won’t be done alone. If, at some point, you’ve found yourselves discussing chores and who gets to do what, that could be a sign that you’re ready.
8. You’re unafraid to be yourself when you’re with them
It is natural to put on an act when you first start dating in order to win over your spouse. It isn’t uncommon to walk with a little extra sway in your hips or make your voice sound deeper to convince your partner that you’re charming.
While figuring out how soon you should move in together, please ensure that you don’t move in with a partner you’re not yet comfortable being your real self with. Your darkest self may emerge to them at some moment. Are you ready for that?
If you’re still ashamed of your partner discovering that you snore lightly when you drift off into a deep sleep after a stressful day, you may want to consider renewing your rent in your apartment one more time.
9. The prospect excites you
How do you feel when the thought of moving in with your partner crosses your mind? Excited? Elated? Reserved? Withdrawn? If the idea of moving in together doesn’t make your heart beat faster (for the right reasons), please take a break.
10. You know your partner’s health challenges
Another thing to consider before thinking about moving in together is if your partner has any underlying health challenges that can affect your relationship. Do they have ADHD? OCD?
How do they cope with anxiety? What do they do when they feel spooked or physically crowded? Ensure you know what you’re getting yourself into before moving in together.
Happy couple spending time together
The pros and cons of living together before marriage
Now that you know the signs to look out for before moving in together, here are some of the pros and cons of living together before marriage.
Pro 1: Living together before marriage allows you to encounter your significant other in their natural state. Here, there are no filters or facades. You experience their quirks, see them at their worst, and decide if you can handle their excesses before marrying them.
Con 1: It might not be easy to convince the people who matter to you that it is something you want to try. Although widespread, there’s no guarantee that your people won’t freak out when they hear you’re moving in with your partner.
Pro 2: You save a lot of money when you move in together. Instead of spending on the rent for different apartments, you get to save some and maybe get a bigger apartment together.
Con 2: It is easy for one person to start living off the generosity of the other. If you don’t intentionally set boundaries, you or your partner may soon feel cheated when you move in together.
Pro 3: Living together can improve your sex life. Since you don’t have to travel halfway across town to see your partner now, you can enjoy sporadic and steamy sex life.
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Con 3: It soon gets old if you don’t pay attention. Imagine waking up to the same face every morning, seeing them in your personal space everywhere you turn, or hearing their voice every time you take your AirPods out of your ears.
Living together before marriage gets old easily, and you must be sure you’re ready before you make this big lifestyle change. If you are not sure about whether or not you are ready or want some clarity about it, you can also go to a relationship therapist who can guide you through.
5 tips to help you adapt to living together
Now that you’ve figured out how long you should date before moving in together and are ready for this next big step, apply these 5 strategies to make your transition smooth.
1. Have an open and honest conversation about it
Don’t be that person who decides to ‘surprise their partner’ by waking them up early one morning with all your belongings in hand. That is a recipe for disaster. Begin this phase of your life by talking to your partner first.
Are they excited about the idea? Do they have any objections? Are there any quirks you think should be addressed before you become roommates? What expectations do you have of them? What do they expect you to be doing now in your relationship?
Lay all your cards on the table and ensure that you are on the same page.
2. Work together to figure out the financial aspect of things
The last thing you want to do is move in together without laying a ground plan concerning who handles what financially. Talk about your rent. Who handles the utility bills? Both of you will split them, or should they be rotated per month?
This is also the perfect time to start practicing collective budgeting as a couple. Redefine your values regarding money and decide how you will be spending or saving moving forward.
Suggested video: 10 couples confess how they split rent and bills
3. Set healthy boundaries
Another thing you want to do before moving in together is to set healthy boundaries that work for both of you. Are guests allowed in the house? Are they allowed to stay for a while? What happens when your partner’s family member wants to visit?
Are there times of the day when you don’t want to be interrupted (maybe because you want to focus)? What does family time mean to you? Talk about all these because these scenarios will soon arise, and all of you need to be on the same page.
Psychologist Mert Şeker shares his thoughts:
Setting healthy boundaries before partners start living together can positively affect the relationship. This allows individuals to maintain their freedom by protecting their personal space, which can help individuals maintain their identity and independence.
Healthy boundaries can increase mutual trust between partners and create the habit of respecting each other’s needs.
4. Pick up your decor together
Chances are that you may be moving into another apartment together or redesigning your current apartment now that you’re moving in together. The last thing you want is to live in a place with dreadful decor.
As you plan to move in together, discuss how your new home will be set up. Are there specific colors of drapes you would like to hang in your living room? Would you rather buy new cutlery instead of using the ones your partner had?
You should have a say in the overall look and feel of the new home you’re making if you want to be comfortable in it. Your ability to compromise is required here because your partner may not think all your ideas are genius.
5. Ease into the process
A one-time move may be overwhelming for a lot of people. Having to pick up your life and move into a new space with someone else can be challenging. To take the edge off, consider easing into the process.
Instead of hiring a trucking company to move you in with your partner simultaneously, how about taking things slowly? You can decide to take a few weeks or months to move instead of finishing everything in one day.
Every time you go to see your partner, pick up a few things that you’ll be leaving in the new house. This way, you give yourself the grace of knowing that you can always cancel the move if you feel it isn’t right for you.
However, if you prefer to move at once, then have at it.
FAQs
Let’s discuss some most asked questions about moving in together in a relationship.
1. How long do most couples date before moving in together?
Ans: Studies show that many couples move in together after 4 months of dating. 2 years into the relationship, about 70% of couples would have moved in together.
2. Do couples who live together last longer?
Ans: There is no simple answer to this question seeing as the factors that make a relationship last long are numerous and diverse. However, living together may improve your odds of finally working out as a long-term couple.
Summary
“When do couples move in together?”
If you have ever found yourself asking this question, please bear in mind that there’s no standard time earmarked for this. The decision to move in together is up to you and should only be done when you feel ready.
However, please pay attention to the signs we covered in this article. Those pointers will surely tell you if the time to move in together has come.
