Dating has changed significantly since the advent of the internet, and it looks very different now than it did fifteen years ago.
f you ask someone who was single fifteen years ago how they met their partner, they will probably mention actual social settings like their place of employment, school, church, or friends. In contrast, according to a 2017 statistic, 19% of brides say they met their partner via an online dating app.
When single people first enter (or re-enter) the world of romance, dating sites are frequently their first port of call. The fact that these sites provide a wide range of individuals to choose from and meet with is just one of their many benefits.
However, these sites have a significant drawback in that they can make users think that there is “always someone better to meet with the next swipe,” which promotes promiscuity, short-term relationships, and even infidelity.
Read more: 7 Principles Of Dating That Will Align You With Your Perfect Partner
This perpetuates the hookup-breakup cycle because it is so simple to pull out one’s phone and view alluring pictures of other people, who are just waiting for us to swipe right to say, “I’m interested.” This makes the idea of a long-term, stable relationship seem less alluring.
Try the following advice if you wish to stay out of the hookup-breakup cycle:
Try to interact with people in real-world settings.
On your preferred dating sites, you can continue to maintain active profiles while adding in-person contacts. Participate actively in the world around you by volunteering, going to community events, helping out neighbors or those in need, and simply being present.
Instead of meeting on the internet at random, you will have a pre-existing common interest when you meet someone you both enjoy doing, increasing your chances of meeting a potential love partner.
You will have the ideal opportunity to get a sense of this person’s character, how they interact with others, and whether they seem stable, serious, fun, and character-worthy because you will have the opportunity to observe them in a real-life setting rather than on an arranged online date where there is less context to interpret them.
If your meeting leads to a relationship, there are already stronger foundations in place, which reduces the possibility that a cycle of hookups and breakups will start with this individual.
If your meeting leads to a relationship, stronger foundations have already been laid.
Be friends first
Many rock-solid couples, even those who met through the internet, will tell you that part of their solidity was that they developed a friendship first before they escalated to the physical stage of the relationship.
Few long-term relationships result from a one-night stand; those are more likely to end in a hookup—breakup. So take your time getting to know your new friend.
Do things together that are outside the home, so you won’t be tempted to hop into bed at the first chance. During this initial getting-to-know-you period, you’ll have a chance to observe them. You are looking for character, personality traits such as empathy, communication skills and if they are happy in general. Focus on building a good base of friendship.
This will serve the relationship well because it is harder to break up with someone whom you truly enjoy as a friend, and the eventual hookup will be all the better as once you become physical, you’ll be doing it with someone you really appreciate and know.
Don’t let those “crush” feelings cloud your view
When we are in the rosy first days of a relationship, we tend to idolize the object of our affections and see them as the most wonderful human to ever walk the face of the earth. Everything looks sparkly and beautiful; they have no bad, irritating habits at this point.
read more: How to Slow Things Down in a New Relationship: 11 Ways
Try to step back and use your rational thinking as you become closer to this person so that you can see them as they really are: a human being just like you, with all the faults, weaknesses and insecurities that we all share.
If you ignore that part of them, you are likely to jump into a relationship without using your head, and this can perpetuate the hookup-breakup cycle that you are trying to avoid.
When we are in the rosy first days of a relationship, we tend to idolize the object of our affections
As your feelings deepen, think about the next step
You have now reached a critical stage in your relationship, one where you are either going to cut each other loose or move forward: the growth stage.
If during the friendship-building stage you see traits that you know you could never embrace in this person, now is the time to separate.
If, however, you are loving what you see in them, now is the time to grow more emotional bonding with this person.
This is the stage where most couples will introduce sex into the relationship. If you are considering this, ask yourself if you’ve developed enough emotional intimacy together to prevent a breakup. All of these steps lead to a committed relationship.
This is where you and your partner will establish, via your excellent communication skills, rich conversations and deep, late-night talks, that you do want to be together in a committed, exclusive relationship. You take action and delete those dating apps, and you establish the parameters of your fully-faceted relationship.
Because you have taken your time, moving through the previous steps slowly but surely, you know that this is the one: the person with whom you will never have to go through the hookup-breakup cycle again.
