You’re in love and engaged — congratulations. Still, it’s normal to wonder whether you’re truly ready for marriage. Many couples feel uncertain about what comes next: what to expect, how to handle hard days, and whether they can keep going when things get tough. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard — a celebrity couple who openly champion premarital therapy — often say that couples therapy before marriage can be a game changer. Therapy helps build communication habits, spot potential pain points early, and create tools for weathering conflicts later. Beyond therapy, though, there are everyday truths and practical habits you should understand before you tie the knot.
1. Your spouse will not complete you
The romantic idea that your partner “completes” you — a line familiar from movies like Jerry Maguire — feels sweet, but it’s not realistic. A healthy marriage comes from two people who bring whole, developing selves to the relationship. That means doing your own emotional work, keeping your interests and friendships, and not offloading your identity or happiness entirely onto your partner.
Being independent doesn’t mean being selfish. It means you take care of your needs so you can contribute your best self to the relationship. Couples who balance togetherness with separateness tend to be happier long-term. Keep nurturing your own growth — hobbies, friendships, goals — and encourage your partner to do the same.
2. Don’t expect too much from your partner
High expectations are often the root of disappointment. If you catalog every desired trait — perfect parent, flawless lover, ideal friend — you’ll set yourselves up for frustration. People are complex; no single person can consistently fulfill every role perfectly.
Instead of expecting perfection, agree on realistic roles and share the load. Talk frankly about priorities: who handles which chores, how to parent, how you’ll split finances, and what emotional support looks like. Lowering unrealistic expectations reduces resentment and makes room for appreciation. When both partners practise reasonable expectations, love becomes easier to sustain.
3. You won’t always feel “in love”
Feelings ebb and flow. Even with the right person, there will be days when the spark feels diminished or when you don’t feel deeply “in love.” That’s normal. Emotions are influenced by stress, sleep, health, and life events, and doing life together means riding those waves.
What matters in those quieter times is values and commitment. When feelings fade temporarily, the choices you make — kindness, patience, listening — define the relationship more than the intensity of the moment. Seeing love as a practice as well as a feeling helps you stay steady through ups and downs.
4. Your spouse’s family matters
Notice how your partner relates to their family: Are they close? Distant? Conflict-prone? Family dynamics rarely disappear once you’re married; patterns often reappear or influence how your partner handles stress and loyalty. Observing and discussing those patterns now can prevent surprises later.
Talk about boundaries with extended family, holiday plans, caregiving responsibilities, and how you’ll handle family conflicts. Couples who learn to speak about family history without judgment build trust and mutual respect — which strengthens the marriage.
5. Be transparent about money
Finances are a common source of tension in marriage, so openness is crucial. Share your financial picture early: debts, savings, spending habits, and financial goals. Decide together whether you’ll keep separate accounts, open a joint account, or use a mix — whatever fits your values and gives both partners security.
Create a plan for budgeting, saving, and major purchases. Agree on how to handle one partner’s larger debt, or how you’ll fund children’s needs or housing. Clear agreements reduce insecurity and the power imbalances that can breed mistrust.
6. Conflict is inevitable — learn to fight well
Arguments will happen. As the honeymoon phase fades, pet peeves and differences will become more visible. That’s normal. What matters is how you argue: do you attack the person, or do you focus on the issue? Do you hold grudges or aim to repair?
Develop rules for fair fighting: no name-calling, no stonewalling, allow timeouts when needed, and always return to repair after the heat cools. Learn your partner’s triggers and practice calming strategies. Couples who repair after conflict — even small reconciliations — end up feeling safer and more connected.
7. Practical habits that make marriage work (extra guidance)
Beyond the emotional basics, cultivate everyday habits that strengthen your bond. Make time for weekly check-ins to talk about finances, plans, and feelings. Schedule regular date nights, even when life is busy, to keep connection alive. Share household responsibilities in ways that feel equitable, and revisit those arrangements as circumstances change (new jobs, children, eldercare).
Invest in shared goals: a travel plan, a savings target, a home-improvement project — joint projects create teamwork and shared meaning. Learn each other’s love languages (how you prefer to give and receive affection) and practice them deliberately. Small gestures — a thoughtful message, an unexpected favor, or a sincere apology — add up.
8. How to know you’re ready (closing thoughts)
Readiness isn’t a checklist you tick off once. It’s a blend of emotional maturity, communication skills, aligned values, and a willingness to keep learning together. If you can talk openly about money, family, intimacy, conflicts, and future plans — and you’re willing to seek help (like premarital counseling) when needed — you’re on a strong path.
