Five years ago, as his divorce papers were finalized, a man put into words a reflection on marriage that struck a deep chord with thousands. His message — a blend of love, regret, and hard-earned wisdom — travelled fast, not because it was perfect, but because it felt painfully, honestly human. People of every background read it and recognized pieces of their own stories in it; married, divorced or single, readers felt seen. For many, those words offered both comfort and a warning — and for some, a reason to act before it was too late.
That man, Gerald Rogers, wrote from the vantage point of regret: the clarity that comes after mistakes have already been made. Even now, years later, the core of his advice — simple, candid, and practical — still rings true. Below are the most important lessons drawn from his original post, rewritten here so they’re useful for both partners, not only men.
Never stop courting — keep dating her
Courtship is not a one-time event that ends once the vows are exchanged. The truth is, asking someone to marry you came with an implicit promise: you would protect and cherish their heart. That remains the single most precious responsibility in the relationship. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that legal status or routine replaces effort.
Small, consistent gestures matter more than grand occasional displays. Schedule regular dates, send a short message during the day, notice the little things about her and call them out with gratitude. Treat her as the person you chose — because she chose you. Laziness in love is often the slow, quiet erosion that leads to regret.
Remember: marriage is the result of a relationship, not its replacement
Many couples conflate marriage with intimacy and assume the legal bond will preserve what the relationship built. In reality, marriage is the by-product of a living relationship — the rhythms, conversations, shared laughter and mutual care that happen every day. If those foundations are ignored, the marriage becomes hollow.
Nurture your relationship intentionally, outside of the institution. Talk about hopes, fears and daily small stuff. Keep curiosity alive: ask questions, listen, and keep learning who your partner is as life unfolds.
Be playful — don’t take life so seriously
Life is hard; one of the best tools to soften it is shared laughter. Allow yourself to be silly together. Humor defuses tension, reconnects you quickly after arguments, and brings light into the ordinary.
Create private jokes, play small games, dance in the kitchen, or make fun of yourselves sometimes. These moments of levity are not frivolous — they are relational glue that helps you carry the heavier parts of life without drifting apart.
Forgive quickly — choose the future over the past
Holding grudges is easy; choosing forgiveness is courageous. Carrying the weight of old mistakes acts like an anchor dragging your relationship backward. Forgiveness is not about excusing poor behavior; it’s about refusing to let the past determine your future together.
Practice clear repair: name the hurt, offer a sincere apology, agree on how to avoid repeating it, and then let it go. When both partners adopt this pattern, resentment loses its power and intimacy can grow again.
Fall in love again — repeatedly choose each other
People change. The person you married will evolve, for better and worse. That’s why loving someone is an ongoing choice, not a one-time decision. Re-falling in love means intentionally noticing what you admire, accepting imperfections, and recommitting daily.
Try new things together, reinvent date nights, celebrate small wins and say aloud what you appreciate about each other. Couples who actively re-select one another tend to weather change and avoid the “drift” that breaks so many relationships.
Own your emotions — you are responsible for your inner state
It’s tempting to expect your spouse to fix your bad day or erase your sadness. The stronger, kinder approach is to own your emotions: recognize them, learn from them, and manage them in healthy ways. Seeking happiness is not your partner’s sole job.
When you take responsibility for your emotional life — through self-care, honest communication, and, if needed, therapy — you bring a healthier version of yourself into the relationship. That emotional maturity lets joy spill into the partnership instead of stress or blame.
Protect your heart — love yourself so you can love well
Just as you pledged to guard her heart, you must care for your own. Self-respect and self-care are not selfish; they create the emotional space where true intimacy can grow. Keep a part of yourself tender and reserved for your partner — a place of trust and exclusivity that you invite her into.
Cultivate habits that nourish you: hobbies, friendships, reflection, and boundaries. Only when you love and respect yourself can you fully receive and return the depth of love a committed relationship deserves.
Practical steps to make these lessons real
- Plan weekly time together with no distractions.
- Keep a gratitude list of things you appreciate about your partner.
- Establish a short “repair routine” after arguments (pause, speak, apologize, agree on next steps).
- Take responsibility for at least one emotion each day — name it and decide how you’ll address it.
- Create small rituals (a morning text, a weekly walk) that keep connection predictable and steady.
Final thought
Gerald Rogers wrote from a place of hindsight, and his words carry an urgent tenderness: love requires attention, humility and effort. These principles aren’t complicated, but they are often the hardest to practice consistently. If you take even a few of them to heart and act on them, they can change the trajectory of a relationship — sometimes quietly, sometimes dramatically.
