You got to know him over several months of dating, and you soon realized he was “the one.” He finally proposed to you and asked you to marry him after what seemed like a lifetime. You accepted his proposal right away when he showed you a stunning engagement diamond. You had a gorgeous wedding and honeymoon, which took many months to prepare. It seems like you and your prince charming have found your true love. It is time to settle down and live together as a married pair. You’ve never been married, so you’re unsure of what to expect during your first year of marriage. Your experiences will be numerous and perhaps div erse. Both good and bad times will occur.
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These are some things you should think about and that you will probably encounter.
Joyful moments
Your affection and love for one another will grow.
You will still feel as though you can’t get enough of each other and enjoy passionate sex.
You will experience a sense of safety, security, support, and connection.
You will laugh a lot, have fun, and have wonderful conversations.
You will collaborate as a group.
traumatic events
Charming and humorous things can turn obnoxious and annoying.
You can feel overburdened and yearn for solitude or social time.
When you think about living out the rest of your life together, doubts could arise.
You may quarrel, sometimes without coming to an agreement.
After being on high for so many months, there will probably be a letdown.
As you balance your many obligations, you could feel overburdened.
You will either be reluctant to bring them up or want to talk about them.
Practical and essential factors
Will your savings and checking accounts be joint, separate, or both?
How will domestic chores like cooking, cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, trash removal, restroom cleaning, recycle sorting, bill payment, and shopping be handled?
Will there be an emphasis on loan repayment, investing, and conserving money?
Will mealtimes be a chance to sit quietly and eat, read, or watch TV, or to eat and chat?
Will you maintain a tidy, spotless, and well-organized home?
How much time will be spent on the computer or on social media?
When would you like to start a family, if at all?
How long are you going to be together?
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What is the frequency and depth of your communication?
All of this is to suggest that you will almost certainly experience and feel a range of emotions. Happiness or sadness, connection or disconnection, support or lack thereof, calmness or rage, or being heard or ignored are all possible emotions. You will have numerous decisions to make about daily living, short and long term goals, finances, sex and lifestyle. It is crucial to understand that emotional swings and other issues are common. All of us have experienced it and will continue to do so throughout time. There is nothing wrong with things coming up. When ideas, emotions, and worries are disregarded, suppressed, or handled in an accusatory, deceptive, or combative manner, issues and conflict result. Because of this, it is crucial to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Anger, animosity, and resentment will grow if you don’t, leaving you feeling isolated, alienated, and alone.
Action items to connect, be heard, and receive help
1. Establish regular communication and set up time to talk. Be forthright, honest, and direct. Focus on yourself instead of your partner; be aware of the consequences of your behavior and attitude.
2. Recognize and communicate your emotional, physical, and sexual needs and desires. You shouldn’t expect your spouse to read your thoughts.
3. Give your husband credit for his actions and character; do the same for yourself.
4. Listen carefully to what your husband says, and then tell exactly what you heard him say without adding your own perspective. When discussing delicate emotions and difficulties, strong reactions are frequently elicited. These responses can cause us to want to defend ourselves or dispute the topic being discussed, which can also make it difficult for us to be present. Instead of formulating a defense or reply, keep listening to what is being stated.
5. Wait until your husband is done talking before answering. You may even inquire, “Are you done?”
6. Take criticism even if it seems important. Try to think critically about the information you are provided, evaluate whether it is accurate, and, if so, adjust your perspective.
7. Make it clear to each other what will be useful to discuss. Sometimes you just want to be heard, and other times you might want suggestions and/or feedback. Your hubby is no different.
8. Recognize and accept that your desires aren’t always met. Your husband and you will occasionally have different needs, wants, and preferences. Strike a balance so that you are all happy in the end.
Even in the best of situations, be aware that relationships are difficult, that you will encounter a variety of situations, and that many issues may arise. Talking frequently and showing your spouse and yourself love and kindness are crucial.
