Even though life is brief, a lot happens in it, and choosing to get married entails resolving to endure every one of life’s ups and downs together without exception. Marrying someone means that even if things are difficult, they will be difficult, you will not leave each other even if you don’t like each other very much and there are moments when you feel hopeless, alone, and crushed by your relationship (which, as awful as that sounds, isn’t unusual). You’re not going to abandon your love.
You’ve shut the door to leaving after you get married. You two are in this together, for better or worse. I do not want for this to be a pessimistic or frightening view of marriage. You may be confident that by committing to one another, you will never have to face life’s obstacles alone. You have a best friend, comrade, lover, companion, and lifelong partner. You also have someone to share all the wonderful, lovely, and transformative moments with. And that is a real cause for celebration. You have discovered in each other what I think every human being looks for. Well done!
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But since marriage is a significant commitment, I want to be practical.
As much as we would like to be like the couples of previous generations—to remain married for the rest of our lives and grow old with the love of our lives—the truth is that we live in a society where almost half of couples will be divorced or separated by the time they are in their mid-fifties (Kennedy & Ruggles, 2014). The idea of spending your entire lives together may seem overwhelming in light of this sobering fact. But don’t worry, you can succeed.
A Key to Achievement
I want to tell you a tiny marriage-related secret that I’ve discovered will, in my opinion, deepen the holy link between you and your future husband. I don’t think many people are aware of this, so pay attention.
Marriage is a mechanism that grows people: The difficulties you face in your relationship are precisely what you need to develop and sharpen your skills. You will have plenty of chances to become the finest version of yourself in your marriage. Knowing this allows you to see the difficult times as chances to shine and clean up your residence.
Think about how our generation, possibly more than other generations, has high expectations for marriage. Unlike in the past, marriage now involves more than just achieving financial stability, raising children, or having a partner. Nowadays, marriage is about developing our souls and establishing a level of connection and safety with another person that is rarely possible. It’s about getting to know someone entirely, getting to know them completely, and being loved and accepted for all of our messiness and complexity. In the framework of continuing to be a distinct, attractive, respected, and valued person, we anticipate that marriage will be an experience of intense love, compassion, passion, adventure, safety, and unity. But it takes effort to build a relationship like this! It’s a vulnerable, frightening, and occasionally even unpleasant job. Additionally, I think it’s the most satisfying and rewarding work we can perform.
I believe that people’s ignorance of this secret prior to marriage may be one of the reasons why so many marriages fail. They have all the wonderful aspirations of what marriage can bring when they get married, but they are unaware of how difficult marriage can be at times and how it forces us to grow. We are raised with the idealistic belief that marriage and love offer eternal joy and contentment, and that when they don’t, people leave. Or we enter into a marriage with the expectation that the spark will wane and accept that this is a natural occurrence and that there is nothing we can do about it. People then quit the relationship when it becomes too lonely for them to handle. Additionally, it’s easier than ever to end a marriage in today’s society.
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Never accept “normal.”
I frequently tell couples that “normal” marriages aren’t always successful and don’t last. You must aim for better-than-normal if you want to truly position yourself for success. When the time comes for you two, don’t be afraid of the hard work, but don’t accept it either. Consult a sex therapist, go to a workshop, a retreat, couples counselling, or premarital counselling or couple enrichment. Take care of your own personal development and recovery. (Hey, everyone brings baggage into relationships.)
Above all, keep going. Even when your marriage has its ups and downs, it will resurface, particularly if you keep in mind my secret: that these difficulties are opportunities for growth, resources, and blessings. Therefore, have faith that you have made the proper decision when you choose each other on your wedding day. Then, select each other once more, every day, in the same way that you love one other, and particularly when this marriage is posing growth challenges. Keep in mind that marriage is a huge, lovely, amazing, and people-growing event.
