The way we date has changed forever because of the internet. Online dating is now the standard, and it has numerous perks, such as being more convenient, having more options, and being faster.
However, the vulnerability and uncertainty that come with putting yourself out there are still there (and maybe even worse).
I think that technology has made things more unpredictable, even while it makes it easy to see who is available. And when things are unknown, we know that worry and anxiety might not be far after.
As a therapist who works with clients who have OCD and anxiety, I know a lot of different strategies to assist people deal with too much concern.
But you don’t have to have a mental illness to feel more anxious when you date. You can still use these methods to get through it.
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For instance, I used exposure therapy in my own online dating experiences.
In therapeutic terms, “exposure” means doing something you’ve been putting off because you’re anxious. Online dating feels a lot like this.
Exposure therapy works very well. I utilise it in my therapy practice to assist clients deal with their fears or things they might be avoiding.
I could write a lot about what exposure therapy is, but for this purpose, I’ll just say that it’s about learning how to do hard or unpleasant, uncertain, or uncomfortable things in a planned way.
Dating and technology
Technology makes things more unclear since it gives you options: if you don’t like someone, you can return them right away for another one.
“Add to cart” means something completely different now. In the meantime, you, the returned item, are left to wonder what happened.
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Researchers have found that the key to successful online dating is finding an instant connection and chemistry, which are not signs of long-lasting relationships.
People can now avoid basic communication skills more easily thanks to texting and social media.
Whole generations of people who date may never know what it’s like to call someone to get to know them or to say they want to go in a different direction.
It’s too easy to avoid people online dating, and that has effects on all kinds of levels.
Both people, the one who is avoiding and the one who is being avoided, have to make up stories to fill in the gaps.
Those stories can make you doubt yourself and feel bad about yourself. And worry.
How to stay grounded?
How to approach online dating? And how to succeed at online dating?
When starting online dating, be curious, open-minded, and grounded, this can help minimize the negativity.
Here are 5 successful online dating tips to help you control and guide your anxiety.
Be aware of your mindset
If you think “I hate that I’m single. These people look awful,” then everyone will meet your expectations. If you can retain some curiosity and compassion, you may be pleasantly surprised.
Let yourself acknowledge that this feels like hard work.
The first online dating advice is to remember why you’re doing it. Remind yourself that you’re going through it because connections, relationships, and intimacy are important to you.
Try not to care about the outcome
So hard. When we look for something too much, we become obsessed with how it’ll end and forget the process. We’re more likely to be disappointed. Revisit #1 advice for online dating.
Stay in the now
No matter where you are in the process ground yourself in reality instead of what IF or COULD BE.
This is essential. Try to stay mindful and bring yourself back to the present whenever you start to project into the future.
For example, when you’re looking at someone’s initial pictures and imagining if your friends (or kids) will like him, you are definitely not in the now! Come back.
Change your behaviors, and your thoughts will follow
Identify what behaviors are making your anxiety worse and try to stop doing them.
Some common examples include checking text messages constantly or going over and over the date in conversations with friends.
When you feel you want to do these things, try this tip for online dating and remember that you’re stronger than that — they’ll pass if you don’t engage.
Expect this new way of dating to be hard
And by a new way of dating, I mean your new outlook and perspective. Learning anything new is hard, and it requires repetition and consistency.
Embracing uncertainty
Facing the fears around the future’s uncertainty will make life so much easier. You don’t know if the other person will like you or if they’ll call.
Maybe you had a great time, and they still don’t call (so common). Some times you would be deceived or lied to, and many times, your fears will come true. So what? Your focus must stay on how you can bounce forward and not backward.
Follow these internet dating tips to not get caught up in the chasm of online dating anxiety.
