Premarital counseling is something I enjoy doing. Couples are energetic and full of life. This new journey they are going to go on excites them. They have a very positive opinion about their fiancé. They are open to discussing communication approaches and are receptive to guidance and new resources. They haven’t yet accumulated years of disappointment or bitterness. Additionally, it’s primarily a time for happiness, fun, and planning their future together. But it’s crucial that I push these couples to keep realistic expectations for the future. There are going to be hiccups, difficult days, unfulfilled demands, and irritations. However, it is crucial to enter into marriage with a balanced perspective. Anticipate the best, but be ready for and make an effort to avoid the worst. Avoid complacency. Strike back against the tedium. And always remember to be genuinely grateful and in awe that someone has chosen to spend each day with you.
Workout inspired by Clean Sweep, a TLC television program
In premarital counseling, I frequently assign couples an exercise that seems to help them deal with some of life’s challenges later on. The task is loosely modeled on the TLC television program “Clean Sweep.” A professional would enter a family’s chaotic house and make them organize and purge, if you recall this episode. They would gradually sort through their belongings and place them in various heaps marked “Keep,” “Toss,” or “Sell.” After that, they would choose what they needed, what they could donate or throw away, and what they wanted to sell at a garage sale to raise some money.
Read more : 28 Funny Marriage Memes to Make Your Day
Choosing the best course of action for marriage
I advise couples to get down and talk about certain categories based on what they want to maintain, throw away, and [instead of selling] add using this image. These two people are choosing to identify as one entity, a new family, and a single unit when they decide to marry and join their lives. Therefore, it is crucial that couples jointly determine what is best for their marriage—not their parents, friends, or other family members. To choose what they want their marriage to look like, they take the time to reflect on their own families of origin and their past relationship experiences. They cover topics such as how disagreements were handled, how money was perceived, how children were brought up, how faith was involved, how romance was maintained or not, how arguments were settled, who was responsible for what around the house, what unwritten “rules” existed in the family, and what customs were significant.
What ought to be added, discarded, or retained
After discussing these issues, couples choose whether to add something completely different, maintain this, or discard it. Communication could serve as an example. Assume that the prospective husband’s family ignored disagreements. They avoided discussing important topics and maintained harmony. Assume that yelling was a common feature of the wife’s family’s fighting style and that they were quite accustomed to confrontation. However, the family would always move on and patch things up when the arguments were over. They can now make their own marriage decisions. This is how their conversation might sound:
“Let’s continue to shout and try to resolve disputes amicably. However, we should constantly discuss it and never ignore it. Let’s be sure to quickly apologize and not let our anger get the better of us. I don’t want to be like my parents, who I don’t recall ever apologizing. Therefore, we should be prepared to say “I’m sorry” when we don’t want to and even if it means swallowing our pride.
Read more : 10 Best Pre-marriage Courses That You Can Take Online
The prospective couple actively seeks to make marriage the norm after agreeing to the aforementioned concepts. in order for their children to remark, “I liked that our parents talked things out,” while they are in premarital counseling. Although I appreciated that they didn’t yell, they also didn’t shy away from confrontation. And I appreciated that they occasionally apologized, even to us. What a lovely illustration of the long-term significance of the choices this married couple makes.
Maintain, discard, and add physical activity for married couples.
Keep, discard, and add pertinent information for married couples as well.
However, if this essay is about marriage, how is it useful to married people? It’s never too late to have this conversation, in my opinion. Even though you might already have more hurts, poor habits, and unwritten rules, you always have the choice to add, remove, or preserve. You may be discussing for the first time how your family-of-origin influences your methods of operation. The fact that one individual always enjoyed spending time with their entire family while the other always had a peaceful morning with just their parents may help to explain why Christmas often ends in arguments. It could help explain why one of you is so frugal while the other enjoys spending. You would be astounded at the conflicts that arise from things that we judge to be right or wrong because we witnessed them modeled well or poorly as children, rather than from right or wrong.
Read more : 5 Reasons Why You Should Marry Early
Therefore, go home, sit down, and have this conversation even if you have been married for 25 years. Choose what you want to maintain, such as what you believe works well for you and your partner or for your parents or other role models. Choose which negative behaviors are impeding the development of your relationships or your communication skills. And choose what you want to include. What resources have you not yet fully utilized, or what strategies do you observe other couples doing that you haven’t yet used?
The guidelines for your marriage are up to you two to decide. It’s both frightening and empowering. However, beginning this now will make you feel more like those soon-to-be married couples who believe that nothing can ever make them love their partner less and who are prepared to go to any lengths to ensure the success of their union. It casts a map of how to get there and offers hope for change.
