Marriage has been part of human societies for centuries, and over time the ideas and expectations surrounding it have shifted dramatically. Where once marriage was largely seen as a practical arrangement — a mutual exchange that secured a woman’s financial future and a man’s line of heirs — today people bring very different hopes and questions to the marriage table.
In the past, restricted roles made marriage an obvious solution: women sought protection and economic safety, men sought heirs and household continuity. In our era, however, marriage is more than a contract or transaction — people look to it for partnership, meaning, growth, and companionship.
Like any major life choice, marriage works best when it has a clear purpose. Researchers and therapists examine modern marriage through many lenses — self-knowledge, partner selection, shared values — yet one simple truth remains: if you don’t know what you want from marriage, it’s hard to build one that lasts. Undefined or mismatched goals often lead to confusion, disappointment, and the question many are asking today: “Is marriage still necessary?” Below are several commonly shared purposes of marriage to help you think clearly about what marriage can and should be.
1. Happiness, respect, and commitment
People who share values, interests, and life goals tend to form deeper connections and are more likely to fall in love. When two partners see the world in similar ways, they often find it easier to support each other’s dreams and make joint decisions. Couples who align on core aims—career direction, family life, values—are usually better equipped to build a stable, loving partnership. Respect and commitment reinforce happiness: partners who regularly show gratitude, cheer each other on, and prioritize the relationship create a firm foundation for long-term contentment.
2. Starting a family
For many, becoming parents is a central reason to marry. Children are often viewed as the natural extension of a committed partnership — a way to carry family traditions forward, to nurture a new generation, and to create a fuller sense of family identity. Raising children can deepen the bond between partners as they take on shared responsibility and experience life’s daily joys and challenges together. That said, starting a family is a personal choice and one of several valid purposes for marriage, not an automatic requirement.
3. Growing together as a couple
One of marriage’s most beautiful promises is the opportunity for mutual growth. A good marriage encourages both partners to learn, to stretch beyond comfort zones, and to become better versions of themselves. As you evolve, your partner can act as both mirror and coach—pointing out strengths, supporting changes, and celebrating progress. This reciprocal encouragement helps couples handle adversity, cultivate empathy, and develop the emotional maturity necessary for a long-lasting relationship.
4. Working toward shared goals
Marriage gives you a reliable teammate. Knowing someone has your back builds confidence and often increases motivation. Partners who focus on joint goals—financial planning, home-building, career moves, or community projects—experience a sense of shared purpose that strengthens their bond. Trust, cooperation, and mutual respect are central here; a healthy marriage reduces competition and replaces it with collaboration, so both people flourish without holding the other back.
5. Enjoyment and companionship
Beyond duty or obligation, marriage should be a source of joy. Playfulness, shared hobbies, laughter, and simple everyday pleasures make life sweeter. When your partner is also your companion — someone you enjoy being around, learn from, and have fun with — the relationship becomes a refuge and a source of ongoing delight. Pleasure and play are just as important to marital health as responsibility and commitment.
6. Protection and mutual care
Marriage often provides practical and emotional security. Partners protect each other’s interests, share responsibilities for home and children, and stand up for one another during difficult seasons. That safety can be tangible (financial support, shared household duties) and intangible (emotional shelter, steady presence). Over time, this network of care becomes a defining benefit of marriage.
7. A sense of completeness
For many people, marriage is a step toward feeling whole — a meaningful life chapter that brings stability, companionship, and a fuller sense of purpose. If a person feels lonely inside marriage, it’s usually a sign to re-engage, communicate, and work on shared goals rather than to give up immediately. Marriage can be a path to greater fulfillment, but it requires intentionality from both partners.
In the video below, Sharon Pope explores the difficulties couples face when their connection becomes strained — whether repair is possible, and how to decide if the healthiest choice is to rebuild the relationship or to part ways with care and compassion.
Practical steps to make marriage purposeful (additional guidance)
If you want your marriage to be more than habit or convenience, be deliberate about defining what it should be. Below are practical, human-focused steps you can take to make the purpose of your marriage clear and achievable.
Clarify shared values and expectations
Set aside quiet time to talk about what matters most—children, careers, finances, spirituality, lifestyle. Be specific about expectations (household roles, work travel, social life), because vague assumptions breed resentment. Revisit these conversations periodically: people change, and so do their priorities.
Set short- and long-term goals together
Create a roadmap. Small shared goals (saving for a trip, monthly date nights) build momentum and trust, while longer-term plans (buying a home, retirement planning) align your life directions. Celebrate milestones to reinforce teamwork.
Build rituals that strengthen connection
Daily rituals—morning coffee together, a weekly “check-in” conversation, an annual getaway—maintain intimacy. Rituals don’t need to be grand; consistency is what counts. These habits keep you connected even when life gets busy.
Practice compassionate communication
When conflicts arise, name your feelings without blame. Use “I” statements, listen actively, and seek to understand rather than win. If discussions get heated, agree on a pause-and-return rule so disagreements don’t spiral.
Support each other’s individual growth
Encourage hobbies, learning, and time apart for reflection. Supporting each other’s individuality prevents dependency and brings new energy into the relationship. Growth in one partner often benefits the partnership as a whole.
Share practical responsibilities fairly
Balance chores and duties in a way that matches each partner’s strengths and schedules. Fair division of labor reduces friction and frees up emotional bandwidth for connection and joy.
Check in and adapt
Make it a habit to evaluate how your relationship is doing—what’s working, what isn’t. Regular check-ins normalize course-corrections and keep small issues from becoming deal-breakers.
