In an era where open sexuality and sex-focused dating are common, choosing to wait until marriage to have sex feels increasingly out of step. Large numbers of people become sexually active before marriage — some studies suggest around 89.1% of women have sex prior to getting married, leaving a relatively small group who arrive at the altar still celibate. Terms like “virgin” and “chaste” sound, to many, like relics of the 1950s — yet for some religious and cultural communities those words still carry real meaning and value.
Set aside the current messages that promote premarital sex as a kind of compatibility test — “try before you buy” thinking — and let’s look at some concrete advantages couples report when they intentionally wait to become sexually intimate until after they marry.
When Couples Wait, Their Emotional Intimacy Often Deepens
Sex is a form of communication — a powerful one — and in contemporary dating culture it’s often treated as an expected step, sometimes very early in a relationship. But when physical connection becomes the default way partners relate, other routes of bonding can be neglected.
Couples who postpone sex usually spend their dating time developing emotional and intellectual closeness without the distraction of sexual goals. They talk more, share stories and values, and learn to comfort and support each other in ways that don’t rely on physical touch. That early investment in emotional intimacy means that, once married and sexually active, the physical side of the relationship is typically richer and more meaningful because it sits on top of a deep, well-established bond. In short, they often say they truly know the person they’re making love to — not just their body, but their habits, fears, dreams and quirks.
Waiting Encourages Other Forms of Connection
Without sex as a central activity, couples tend to explore creative ways of being close: volunteering together, traveling, learning each other’s hobbies, or navigating conflicts side-by-side. Those shared experiences form durable patterns of trust and partnership that pay dividends over time, especially when life gets stressful.
If You Want Your Partner to Also Be Your Best Friend, Waiting Helps
A loving friendship is at the heart of many long marriages. When premarital relationships aren’t dominated by sex, there’s more room to develop a true companionship — the kind of relationship where you can laugh together, disagree and recover, and feel safe sharing your most awkward sides.
Sex can unintentionally crowd out opportunities for long, vulnerable conversations. Couples who wait often say they had more time for those late-night talks that reveal values, family history and the small things that become the fabric of everyday married life. When friendship comes first, the sexual dimension later feels like one part of a whole, not the axis around which the relationship spins.
Better Relationships with Future In-Laws
Even today, many families have strong feelings about premarital sexual activity. Choosing to wait can remove a layer of tension in relationships with future in-laws. Without worries about hiding or explaining a sexual relationship, dates with parents and extended family are often simpler and more relaxed.
Holding off on sex removes the need for secrecy — no awkward stories to invent, no anxious moments fearing a judgmental look. That freedom lets couples invest in building respectful, honest connections with extended family from the start.
Fewer Immediate Medical and Logistic Worries
A practical benefit of waiting is the reduction of immediate risk and logistical concerns tied to premarital sexual activity. Couples who wait don’t need to manage birth control negotiations, face the stress of pregnancy scares, or arrange testing and treatment for sexually transmitted infections during the dating phase. Those practical burdens — tests, contraception choices, the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy — can add emotional strain to a developing relationship; for some couples, removing that stress allows them to focus on learning about each other calmly.
That said, waiting doesn’t replace the need for responsible healthcare and planning later. Many couples choose to discuss contraception, sexual health, and family-planning goals as part of their premarital conversations, so when they do begin a sexual life together they do so informed and prepared.
Post-Marital Sex: A Learning Journey Shared in Safety
Couples who postpone sex until after marriage often admit there’s a period of awkwardness and fumbling at first. That’s normal. But the context matters: discovering one another’s bodies within a committed, chosen union tends to make those early awkward moments feel less threatening. Couples frequently describe the learning curve as a shared adventure rather than a failure.
Because both partners have made a conscious decision to honor their commitment, embarrassment or uncertainty rarely becomes a relationship breaker — instead it becomes something to laugh about, learn from, and grow through. Over time, sexual intimacy typically becomes more confident, informed, and attuned as partners keep communicating and experimenting together.
The Long View: Patience Pays Off
Even if the first times are imperfect, couples who invest in emotional connection and mutual respect find that sexual satisfaction usually improves quickly. There’s time to explore preferences, boundaries, and techniques — and the safety net of marriage often makes experimentation feel less risky. For many, that sense of safety deepens erotic confidence and mutual responsiveness.
What Some Women Shared About Their Choices
“A lot of couples rush into sexual intimacy without really knowing the person behind the physical side. For me, I wanted my husband to love the whole me — habits, quirks and all. If you date someone long enough to see the real person, you might lengthen or even protect the relationship. People can learn to love sex; you don’t need to ‘test’ him before marriage. Pick the right person and you’ll find his way of loving is the right one.” — Rebecca, 23.
“I chose to wait. Keeping my virginity for the person I loved was important to me, and sharing that with him on our wedding night felt special and honoring. I married at 23 and I’m proud of that intentional choice.” — Christina, 25.
“Sex is a learning journey, and learning it together made it even more meaningful. For me, it’s not the foundation of a good marriage — it’s a wonderful addition to the solid friendship and trust we already had.” — Carmen, 27.
Practical Tips for Couples Considering Waiting
If you’re thinking about waiting, here are a few practical ideas to make the choice work for both partners:
- Have honest conversations early about your values and why waiting matters to you. Make sure the decision is mutual and not coerced.
- Establish clear boundaries that feel comfortable for both of you, and revisit them as the relationship grows.
- Build intimacy intentionally: schedule time for deep conversations, shared projects, and non-sexual physical affection that strengthens connection.
- Talk about sexual health and family planning in advance so that, when the time comes, you’re informed and aligned.
- Seek support from trusted mentors, counselors, or faith leaders if you hit conflicts or doubt — external perspectives can help you navigate pressure from peers or family.
